This diet works! It’s loosely based on the Satan Diet because we wanted to keep it successful, simple, and sweet. You get a treat every day if you want one so you don’t have to cheat! But there is a drawback to this diet that we want you to be aware of right off the bat. Well, first a little background.
We were merrily losing weight and eating cupcakes every morning. It was great to lose weight while also not feeling deprived. We talked about adding some exercise (you know, just to mix things up a bit) when suddenly our world went nuts.
We aren’t sure how or why but everything that can go wrong is going wrong in our lives! OMG when is enough enough? We’ll have to get back to you on that because we are still too busy putting out large fires (not small fires, mind you) on a twice daily basis. These crises have impacted most aspects of our lives and have kept us hopping (and often staring at ceiling tiles by the end of the day saying, “dah, dah, dah” and finally going to bed). Take these past couple of days for example.
We headed to New York for Brooke’s birthday brunch and had a tire blow out on the freeway; which was surprising because the tires are quite new. Luckily, Jake and Emma were with us so we got the tire changed and were on our way pretty quickly. (Thank you to the very nice man on the motorcycle who stopped to see if we were all okay. We hope you read this and know who you are.) We stopped at the next town because Sherry didn’t want to be driving that far with that ugly baby spare tire on her car – it’s not super safe and very uncool. The tire company (after a few false starts and a few errors) discovered our poor car had a big big problem. Our little car had what some Senators are still calling a Wide Stance. However, our car wasn’t forced out of office – the wide stance forced it to run on the inside of the tires so one had blown out and the other rear tire had steel belts coming through the tire on the inside rim. They advised us to purchase a second new tire (which we did) and to keep the car out of the men’s bathroom (if you get our drift). We promise, this solicitation was valid and legal. Haha
We got back on the road and realized it was too late for Emma to keep our brunch date as she had a date with her internship so we zipped her to work (which is actually funnier than our wide stance joke if you’ve ever tried to drive cross-town in New York rush hour) and headed to the Upper West Side for what would now be a belated lunch. Not to be so.
On 57th and 1st Ave the car died. It just died. Dead. No horn, no windows, no nothing. Kind of like the foreseeable political career of Carlos Danger. What? How can the battery be dead when it’s a new battery?!? What is going on? No time to think about that as the entire city of New York was honking at us. No pressure whatsoever. Jake is a strong guy! He pushed the car out of traffic and to the side of the street while a very nice police lady held the traffic for us. Again, a nice man came to our aid but this time he had no motorcycle. With the assistance of AAA, we had the car safely towed (dead alternator and battery and all) for the evening. Have you ever needed a car repair in Manhattan? If you do, let us know – we know the very best shop (and have every single credit card and piggy bank on hand because repairs aren’t inexpensive there).
Our well-planned and much anticipated brunch had become a late dinner. Thai food. But still a day. Which leads to our warning.
When life keeps handing you lemons and you are sick to death of making lemonade and you are tired of throwing them at everybody, you might seek comfort and solace in food. We were making our own cupcakes – one batch was taking care of roughly a week of eating on the Cupcake Time Diet. So, when life get rough with you, you need to throw those cupcakes in the garbage and stop the diet immediately. Seek comfort in the arms of a loved one, a good book, impotent anger at the world, or That 70s Show but don’t wreck your success at weight loss! Like. We. Did. There you are warned.
The next time you hear from us (if we live through the night) it will be to present our newly developed diet plan with you! We are so excited!!! And the car? Our local mechanic says it is time to force that resignation after all – which has led to even more lemon stories if you can believe that!