The 7 Deadly (Holiday Diet) Sins

Avoid the 7 Deadly Holiday Diet Sins1. Gluttony

I was in my professor’s office one day when she and a classmate were talking about paying a third party $35 to keep them from gaining wait over the holidays. I exclaimed dismay over this plan and said I would never pay to stay the same weight – they should be getting some weight loss for their dollars. Giving me that “cautious she’s cray cray” look, they explained that the goal of the holiday season is to not put on weight.  Well, that’s easy. If you don’t want to put on weight, don’t be a glutton. Period. Don’t pay some fool to help you not gain weight; just don’t overdo it. Eat before you hit a party. Choose between food and alcohol when you go to holiday parties. Alcohol is expensive when it comes to calories. Holiday treats are expensive, too. So choose one – the one you think you can’t live without and leave the other one alone. Now go take your family to a movie with the $35 I saved you.

2. Lust

Is this supposed to be about the mistletoe?  Kiss everyone you can and give them hugs but keep your clothes on. Hugging is good for your health and mental well-being and kissing actually burns calories; so have at it. Running away from angry spouses can also burn a lot of calories and will motivate you to run longer and faster than you have in awhile.

3. Greed

I’m guilty of this when it comes to gifts.  One year I spent the entire month of November and the first week of December dipping chocolates and baking cookies. I spent the second week of December eating them. Yeah, kind of gluttony but it was truly more I just couldn’t dream of giving them away so I ate them so I wouldn’t have to.  I do the same thing with gifts. I’ll buy my friend an awesome gift and after a week I just have to keep it for myself – so I go out and get her something else so I can keep the cool item. I’m the worst friend that way. If you are greedy, buy stuff; not food.  Then you can’t eat it if you want to keep it.

4. Sloth

You don’t have time to exercise with all of the shopping, cooking, reshopping (if you’re greedy like me), wrapping, and partying to be had during the holiday season. Exercise. Just Exercise. Don’t talk yourself out of it. Power shopping is not exercise. Power drinking is not exercise. If you didn’t put on your exercise clothes and break out a sweat, you can’t count it. Get up early and get it over.  No, exercising does not entitle you to a few more treats. That trap will give you belly fat every single time. Exercise to keep your heart healthy. No, you can’t exercise more to give yourself the chance to eat more treats – exercise is for your heart only.

5. Wrath

The holidays bring family and family usually means one type of drama or the other. Even if you have a peaceful day with them, you know you’re secretly seething inside about something and they are, too.  And you all reach for the comfort of egg nog, homemade candy, baked goods, etc …and they say the turkey is full of stuffing….every one of you are stuffing some kind of anger. Or maybe you’re one of those people who go around correcting people from Merry Christmas to Happy Holidays.  (I’m just going to say it.) Shut up already! Everyone can call it what they wish and no one designated you the Christmas (or Holiday) police! Nobody!  *sigh* My rant just saved me from an entire box of cherry chocolates. I feel better and I don’t care how you feel, you bossy old cow. Go eat something and you’ll feel better. No, wait, I feel so bad I said that!

6. Envy

Keep your eyes on your own gifts. Don’t stuff your mouth with your sister’s cheery chocolates.  They. Are. Not. Your’s.  See your skinny friend with the mounds of whipping cream on her pie?  Keep your eyes to yourself and be happy with your fruit pie. Go wild and have a slice of mincemeat if you wish – but no ice cream or whipping (steal a teaspoon of rum sauce if it will keep you from whining.

7. Pride

Ah. This is the sin for which we should all strive. On December 26th, step on the scales and take a good look at yourself in the mirror. If you didn’t gain weight (or if you lost it) you should be very proud of yourself. Look how good you look!  If you gained weight, you sly old fox, you should be proud of yourself because you enjoyed the holidays a lot more than everyone else.

The Cupcake Time Diet

Cupcake Time Diet Is Here!
At long last, our diet is ready for you to enjoy!  Remember this diet incorporates all of the successes you would enjoy using the Satan Diet but it extends it – and lets you enjoy one sweet treat everyday so you can stick to your diet.  How can this work? You say. Well.  Science News recently published an 8 month study that actually added a sweet to breakfast for the experimental group but those people otherwise followed the same diet as the control group.  Guess what.  At month 4 all dieters had lost pretty much the same amount of weight (33 pounds each) but in the last 4 months of the diet, the control group people gained 22 of those pounds back while the people who ate dessert with breakfast lost another 15 pounds each!

Here are the details of the Cupcake Time Diet:

Daily:

  1. You get one cupcake and one egg each morning. Both must be eaten before 10:30 a.m.  If you miss the time, don’t eat the cupcake.  Save it for tomorrow.
  2. Note the time of day you take your first bite of food. You have 10 hours from that time to eat (this is your Food Day). For example, if you take your first bite of cupcake at 8 a.m., you have until 6 p.m. to eat. After that, it’s just water or tea for you, Missy.

After 10:30 a.m. your diet is different each day.

  • Day 1:  Eat all the fruit you want with the exception of bananas. Do not eat any bananas.  Eating melons will help you lose the most weight since they are mostly water. Note this does not say drink juices – you have to eat the fruit.
  • Day 2:  Eat vegetables all day long.  Avoid peas, corn, and beans. Eat one baked potato today. The vegetables can be raw, cooked, frozen – whatever you desire.
  • Day 3: Eat a combination of the same types of fruits and vegetables you have eaten during the past two days – minus the baked potato.
  • Day 4:  Eat all the fruit you want with the exception of bananas. Do not eat any bananas.  Eating melons will help you lose the most weight since they are mostly water.
  • Day 5:  Eat vegetables all day long.  Avoid peas, corn, and beans. You can have one baked potato today. The vegetables can be raw, cooked, frozen – whatever you desire.
  • Day 6:  Eat a combination of the same fruits and vegetables you have eaten during the past two days – minus the baked potato. At lunchtime eat some red meat – a hamburger, steak, or other meat that will provide you with protein. Eat it before hour 6 of your Food Day.
  • Day 7: Eat a combination of the same fruits and vegetables you have eaten during the past two days – minus the baked potato.
  • Day 8: Eat up to 6 bananas and 6 servings of low fat milk or yogurt. Yes, the yogurt can be flavored. No, the milk cannot be chocolate.  Bananas sliced into a bowl of milk can be a tasty breakfast as long as you don’t add refined sugar.
  • Day 9: Eat all of the chicken and turkey you want today. You can have the chicken roasted, boiled, or fried; just remember the better choices you make will result in more weight loss. You also must eat 6 medium sized tomatoes (this is important). Drink a full glass of water with each tomato to rid your body of uric acid. Eating a tomato with the meat is a great idea.
  • Day 10: Eat up to 6 bananas and 6 servings of low fat milk or yogurt. Yes, the yogurt can be flavored. No, the milk cannot be chocolate. Bananas sliced into a bowl of milk can be a tasty breakfast as long as you don’t add refined sugar.
  • Day 11: Eat all the chicken and turkey you want today.  You can have the chicken roasted, boiled, or fried; just remember the better choices you make will result in more weight loss. You also must eat 6 medium sized tomatoes (this is important). Drink a full glass of water with each tomato to rid your body of uric acid. Eating a tomato with the meat is a great idea.
  • Day 12: Eat chicken, turkey, pork chops, and vegetables all day long to your heart’s content. Avoid potatoes but feel free to eat any other vegetable. The less meat you eat the greater your weight loss.
  • Day 13: Eat Ultimate Soup all day long. Nothing else. This might be hard but after today you’re finished!

 A few tips:

  • If at all possible, buy organic. This will help your body with chelation since this diet is healthy and will also act as a cleansing diet.
  • Be sure you shop at least a day ahead so you have your food for the day.  Nothing kills this diet like not having the right food available when you’re hungry.
  • The ten hour Food Day is to aid your body in producing ghrelin appropriately. You need to get used to actually having an evening fast.
  • If you are up late and feel hungry, go to bed. Do not break your night time fast. Your body is only asking for more energy because you are up past your bedtime.
  • No alcoholic drinks or sodas during this two week period. Period.
  • You can only have the cupcake and the egg before 10:30 a.m. because your body converts food to energy most efficiently during the morning.  If you crave sweets, convince yourself to wait until tomorrow morning. You can do it!
  • You can substitute a muffin for the cupcake if you’d like.  Bran muffins are full of fiber, moist, and tasty. This recipe also make a ton and you can store the batter in the fridge so you can whip out a batch in the middle of the week in the time it takes to cook them.
  • If you are getting shaky or have hypoglycemia, email us. We’ll give you a few ideas on what you can do without ruining your opportunity to lose weight.
  • As much as we love Crumb’s cupcakes we must mention that one crumbs cupcake really counts as two cupcakes, so cut it in half and save some of that deliciousness for tomorrow!  We’d love to eat the whole thing but eating a giant-ass cupcake will give you well….

Too Much Of A Good Thing

Cupcake Time Diet and Larry Craig's Wide StanceWe are ready to reveal our Cupcake Time Diet!  But before we do that, we need to have a very serious talk with you. So listen up.

This diet works! It’s loosely based on the Satan Diet because we wanted to keep it successful, simple, and sweet. You get a treat every day if you want one so you don’t have to cheat! But there is a drawback to this diet that we want you to be aware of right off the bat.  Well, first a little background.

We were merrily losing weight and eating cupcakes every morning. It was great to lose weight while also not feeling deprived. We talked about adding some exercise (you know, just to mix things up a bit) when suddenly our world went nuts.

We aren’t sure how or why but everything that can go wrong is going wrong in our lives!  OMG when is enough enough? We’ll have to get back to you on that because we are still too busy putting out large fires (not small fires, mind you) on a twice daily basis.  These crises have impacted most aspects of our lives and have kept us hopping (and often staring at ceiling tiles by the end of the day saying, “dah, dah, dah” and finally going to bed).  Take these past couple of days for example.

We headed to New York for Brooke’s birthday brunch and had a tire blow out on the freeway; which was surprising because the tires are quite new. Luckily, Jake and Emma were with us so we got the tire changed and were on our way pretty quickly. (Thank you to the very nice man on the motorcycle who stopped to see if we were all okay. We hope you read this and know who you are.) We stopped at the next town because Sherry didn’t want to be driving that far with that ugly baby spare tire on her car – it’s not super safe and very uncool. The tire company (after a few false starts and a few errors) discovered our poor car had a big big problem.  Our little car had what some Senators are still calling a Wide Stance. However, our car wasn’t forced out of office – the wide stance forced it to run on the inside of the tires so one had blown out and the other rear tire had steel belts coming through the tire on the inside rim. They advised us to purchase a second new tire (which we did) and to keep the car out of the men’s bathroom (if you get our drift). We promise, this solicitation was valid and legal. Haha

We got back on the road and realized it was too late for Emma to keep our brunch date as she had a date with her internship so we zipped her to work (which is actually funnier than our wide stance joke if you’ve ever tried to drive cross-town in New York rush hour) and headed to the Upper West Side for what would now be a belated lunch. Not to be so.

On 57th and 1st Ave the car died. It just died. Dead. No horn, no windows, no nothing.  Kind of like the foreseeable political career of Carlos Danger.  What? How can the battery be dead when it’s a new battery?!? What is going on?  No time to think about that as the entire city of New York was honking at us. No pressure whatsoever.  Jake is a strong guy! He pushed the car out of traffic and to the side of the street while a very nice police lady held the traffic for us.  Again, a nice man came to our aid but this time he had no motorcycle.  With the assistance of AAA, we had the car safely towed (dead alternator and battery and all) for the evening. Have you ever needed a car repair in Manhattan? If you do, let us know – we know the very best shop (and have every single credit card and piggy bank on hand because repairs aren’t inexpensive there).

Our well-planned and much anticipated brunch had become a late dinner. Thai food.  But still a day. Which leads to our warning.

When life keeps handing you lemons and you are sick to death of making lemonade and you are tired of throwing them at everybody, you might seek comfort and solace in food. We were making our own cupcakes – one batch was taking care of roughly a week of eating on the Cupcake Time Diet. So, when life get rough with you, you need to throw those cupcakes in the garbage and stop the diet immediately. Seek comfort in the arms of a loved one, a good book, impotent anger at the world, or That 70s Show but don’t wreck your success at weight loss!  Like. We. Did.    There you are warned.

The next time you hear from us (if we live through the night) it will be to present our newly developed diet plan with you!  We are so excited!!!  And the car? Our local mechanic says it is time to force that resignation after all – which has led to even more lemon stories if you can believe that!

(Don’t Be) Fat Like Me

Hips-to-Waist Measure can help after Satan Diet and Cupcake Time DietOkay, our culture always tells us we’re fat. Or flat. Or something else is wrong with our bodies.  You find yourself calculating your BMI (3 different ways), standing on the scales, and measuring everything. But what does it mean? How do you compare yourself to normal when everybody has a different normal standard?  Maybe you’re fat by one measure but in the okay range by another.  So confusing!

We think everyone should choose a measure and stick with it.  Do you feel that your weight in no way reflects whether you’re looking good or not? Don’t do it!  Calculate your BMI instead. Or, as an alternative, you can do a quick calculation of your hips-to-waist ratio.  A normal woman should have a hip to waist ratio of about .70 and studies show that when a man sees a woman walking down the street, this is the woman he will deem most attractive. But society tells us that’s fat.  When asked what hip-to-waist ratio is desirable, women come up with an answer closer to .50 and men tend to agree if they’re viewing silhouettes of women.  For some reason, women have been lead to believe the optimal .70 ratio is bad for them. In reality, the .70 ratio is what women need to correctly regulate their hormonal cycles.

Runners, gymnasts, dancers, and other unusually active women will often sport the svelte <.50 look – and their cycles will stop. We’re betting you’ve enviously gazed at one of these women at one time or another and wished you were there. Stawwp! Over thin is not healthy.

Let’s do this together.  Take a measuring tape and measure your hips and your waist. Now, using your favorite calculator, enter waist/hips = hip-to-waist ratio. What’s yours?

Brooke’s is good. Sherry’s is too! Thanks to the Satan Diet and our newly developed Cupcake Time Diet she has lost enough weight to put her in the range of this measure!  A healthy female body should be in the range of .65  – .85.  Anything above the .85 is too fat and anything below the .65 is too thin for optimal female health.  Dieting can help bring weight up or down but who wants to diet for their entire lives? Not us!

 Non-Dieting Lifestyle Choices To Maintain a Healthy Weight

 

  • Drink Water. It is amazing to really take stock of what you drink and how it impacts your weight. Many of us drink juices, milk, smoothies, sodas, and alcohol; never even thinking of drinking a glass of water. Figure out how you like yours – hot, warm, cold, with lemon, with cucumbers, or naked – and drink that water!  Water flushes your body of toxins, carries unneeded calories out of your body, and keeps you feeling full. Drinks full of sugar and/or caffeine work against your plans for a healthy, happy body. Alcohol may make you happy but eventually you’ll have to sober up and see what it did you.

 

  • Eat.  And you thought we’d say don’t eat. No way! You need to eat; just be choosy in what you choose to eat. Ditch the refined sugars (again) and load up on fresh vegetables and tasty fruits while watching your portions on breads, meats, and dairy and your body will respond by treating you to good health and (eventually) a body that hits the hip-to-waist ratio goal. Eat three meals a day or six – it’s really up to you as long as you remember to Not eat six meals that are the same size as the three meal deals.

 

  • Use Weights in Your Exercise Routine. Cardio is great for your heart and circulatory systems. Weight training breaks down stored muscle glycogen so it actually helps you to burn carbs faster than the couch potato (who would really be a potato – carbs; get it?)  Make sure you mix it up and get a little of both.

 

  • Don’t Pig Out.  Want a piece of cake? Have one. Just be sure you don’t overdo it. And never ever ever use food to make you feel better.  Anger eating, bored eating, stress eating, and sad eating need to become mere memories. It’s hard. We know it’s hard! And we still slip into stress/bored eating on occasion. But replacing emotional eating with healthier coping skills will make you a better, thinner person in no time.

Once we figured out how to make the Cupcake Time Diet work, we started doing this. Did we still have a few days when the Peanut M&Ms won? You bet. But it’s all part of the learning curve. And although we’ve struggled with having to eat vegetables and reminding ourselves to use our support person (instead of a cake) to make it through a bad day, we are learning! And if we can do it – we are confident you can (because we can be very stubborn when it comes to learning healthy eating habits).

Stand on the scale, calculate your BMI, and compute your hips-to-waist ratio one last time – decide which is the best measure for you – and enjoy the rest of your day!

Junk In Your Trunk?

Where Does Weight Go When You Lose it?So, here is our burning question. When you lose weight where does it go?  The short answer is that the bulk of it is excreted from your body via urine, sweat, and exhaling.  Think about your car to make this easier.

You put gas in your car (making it heavier, though not fatter). The car uses up its food by moving and also loses some of the fuel through the exhaust pipe.  If you keep giving the car gas when it doesn’t need it, it will spill out of the car and onto the ground. The car can’t adapt to the more fuel concept because it has an inflexible system

As flexible humans, we all eat food and inhale; these are our sources of energy. If you continue filling your tank needlessly, your accommodating little body becomes…well…big and then bigger. Nothing spills out (unless you want to get into bulimia or diuretics and we don’t choose to go there, thank you very much) but your body will utilize that fuel when you make it move. You also lose some energy via your exhaust system (i.e., breathing), and will ditch some of your unexpended fuel via , well, you know. You even have an efficient fuel filtering system that extracts useless additives without having to go visit the body shop. Thank you, Mr. Colon.

Exercising, walking, and even aimless wandering count as times that you will use up some of your fuel. As your breathing becomes heavier, you will actually push some of your unneeded energy into the atmosphere. The more you move, the more you will also sweat and go to the bathroom. In fact if you ever want to watch your body become a mean, lean excretory machine, take up running. You will never be able to “hold it” when you need to go #2. Running to the bathroom will become a lifestyle habit. (Speaking of bathrooms, you women need to read this.)

We need to pause right here for a public service announcement. Yes, you technically add calories by inhaling. Do not, we repeat, do not stop inhaling in an effort to lose weight. It doesn’t turn out well; we already tried it for you.

Anyway, you have a couple of choices in your weight loss plan:

  • You can choose to increase your energy expenditure. Remember two things:               1)  freeway miles use more gas so rigorous exercise will do you more favors than that aimless wandering option (with the added benefit of people not wondering if you’re the Town Crazy); and 2) miles per gallon will vary between models – so don’t worry abut losing weight as quickly as your significant other or best friend if you’re trying to lose weight together. (We just called you a model – didn’t that feel good?)
  • You can drink more water. Increasing your water intake will help you excrete more unused energy and also work to keep you feeling fuller throughout the day. Your body converts everything you eat into a sugar and that sugar is your fuel.  If your body doesn’t have have the moisture it needs to excrete leftovers, they get stored and you get fat. Drinking 6-8 glasses of water daily is an efficient and effective way to ensure you ditch what you don’t need (your car doesn’t even have this option available – not even in the high end models).
  • You can do nothing. This option allows you to continue life as an adorable chubby person who knows how to lose weight but really doesn’t choose to do so at this time.

It really does boil down to choices and then applying knowledge. If you aren’t willing to do anything, don’t. Just buy bigger clothes and move (or don’t move, as the case may be) on. If you’re willing to do one or some of the above options, you’re on the road to weight loss.

Anyway, we are now pondering a new question. If your fat becomes external to your body as you lose weight, does someone else have to pick it up to keep the world balanced?  We’ll  ponder this one during our next aimless wander through the neighborhood.

Body Tricks

sundial is like your circadian rhythms To those of you who are now following us via email, we did send out the tentative Cupcake Time Diet Plan on Wednesday night. If you didn’t get a copy of it, let us know and we’ll happily forward you one.

We have really learned a lot during our adventures with dieting. Failure is not always a bad thing because it can teach you lessons you never knew you needed to learn, even if it does keep you in your fat pants. This is one thing we did learn: if you eat late at night, you will gain weight.

When the kids were little, Sherry always gave them a Midnight Snack. This was a small snack that was part of their bedtime routine – first they would get into their jammies (bath time some nights but not always), then a snuggle in bed with Sherry while we read a book together (we read everything from Where the Red Fern Grows to The Black Cauldron Trilogy to Anna Karenina), and, lastly, a Midnight Snack before tuck ins.  We laughingly called it Midnight Snack because it always felt so late when  snack time rolled around (usually 9:30 p.m.).  In fact, Sherry played a pretty good April Fool’s joke on Brooke when she was around 6 years old (Brooke claims she is still in need of therapy because of this and says you should not try this at home).  You see, Brooke would often fall asleep early in the evening and wake up just in time for her bedtime routine.  So on the morning of April 1st, Sherry convinced Brooke it was nighttime as she woke her early in the morning. A sleepy little Brooke joined her sisters for a Midnight Snack of brownies and milk.  It was dark (just like it was at night when Brooke would wake up in time for her snack) and Brooke was still a little drowsy (typical) and pretty anxious to return to her warm bed for the night. As they finished the last bits of their brownies, the sun began to rise. Brooke was confused and panicked to think that the sun had forgotten it was night time and she would now be required to stay awake “all night” and wait for another night to show up.  For a long time, she could not be convinced that she had actually slept through the night – she is sure she was somehow cheated out of a full night’s sleep. 

Anyway, Midnight Snack time remains an endearing part of our bedtime routine.  However, during the past few years the midnight snack seems to have grown in direct proportion with our weight. And it no longer is part of our bedtime routine; it seems to have become a part of our stay up routine.  We found ourselves working late into the evening and then actually eating our Midnight Snack, well, at midnight to wake us up so we could stay awake even longer. Soon we were shocked to find our clothes telling us we were fat with every zip and every button. We shook our heads in disbelief because we were gaining weight while, at the same time, generally eating less and trying to lose weight. It wasn’t until we started trying different diets, that we realized that we were eating late at night to create enough energy to stay awake. Late night eating – when your body is ready for bed – increases weight because your body is converting those calories into fat. Just like poor Brooke watching the sun come up, your body can be confused and left to operate at less than optimum capacity when your activities don’t match the time of day.

Your circadian rhythms create a continuous loop wherein your body knows when to store energy (i.e., bedtime) and when to prepare to use it (i.e., breakfast time). Your thyroid gland gives you a great big dose of thyroxin as your feet hit the ground each morning to prepare you to be awake and alert for your day. You need to treat yourself to a good breakfast (even if you hate breakfast) in order to keep your food intake aligned with your circadian rhythms so you enjoy can enjoy optimal health and energy.  Skipping breakfast can make you fat, too.

So, if you want to lose weight, don’t eat at night. Instead, go to bed and get a good night’s rest. Sure there are times when you’ll need to stay up late but if you find yourself staying up past 11:00 p.m. on a regular basis you’re doing yourself a disfavor.  Getting adequate sleep and eating only during the times when you are most likely to expend energy are two of the most important tips for being healthy and maintaining a healthy weight. Doing otherwise will leave you exhausted and weighing more than you want. Who needs that?

Ghrelin S’More & Elizabeth Park

Ghrelin Matters When You DietWhy does ghrelin matter in weight loss?  We talked your ear off about ghrelin yesterday. Here is why it matters.

Ghrelin makes you hungry. If you are lacking minerals and vitamins, it will make you hungry. If your body needs something you aren’t providing, it makes you hungry.  Even when you’re dieting…no, especially when you’re dieting, you need to listen to your body. It’s really important for you to get back in touch with whether you are eating because of actual hunger or for some other reason.

Your grandmother (well, maybe not yours but somebody’s you know) was right.  You don’t eat all night long. Breakfast means you break a fast. It’s hard to break a fast if you stuff your face with treats all night. So stop doing that!  If you stay up late at night your body will ask for food because it is trying to find the energy to keep you awake. Ghrelin is driven by your circadian rhythms so it will increase at night if you don’t go to bed at a reasonable time or if you keep your lights for hours after the sun goes down. Don’t eat. Go to bed!

Use diet time to understand how ghrelin is your friend. It is your friend. We promise. And this diet we’re cooking up for you will make you very happy that ghrelin is your friend. Because ghrelin is sometimes satisfied when it is fed something sweet. You’ll have to wait until we have a stronger proof but things are looking very good.

Oh, wait! We promised you pictures of the tulips in Elizabeth Park.  Sorry it’s taken us awhile but we did want to share this with you.

Tulips at Elizabeth Park Tulips at Elizabeth Park Tulips at Elizabeth Park

 

Don’t you just love them!

When you diet, you shouldn’t be constantly hungry or feel completely deprived. Yes, you need to eat fewer calories or you (like us) wouldn’t be checking out the diet alternatives. But deprivation is not going to help you meet you goal of losing weight and then maintain it.

Everybody gets tired of losing 20 pounds when it’s simply the same 5 pounds taken off and then regained 4 times. So let’s figure out a way to break the cycle and experience a true 20 pound (or more or less – you decide) weight loss.

Well, it’s past 10 p.m.  So go to bed already!

Our Thoughts on Skinny Dipping

Dips add calories and weightHow many times have you (or someone you loved) made a healthy snack of fresh fruit and then proceeded to dip each and every piece in a high calorie, sugary sauce before eating them?  The dip keeps us from being skinny – so skinny dipping would truly follow the no dipping rule. Have you ever skinny dipped?  Brooke has but she says I’m not allowed to tell you about it.

Why do people even need to dip in the first place?

We were discussing this last night as we cleaned out our fridge.  You see, our city just changed garbage collection night from Tuesday night to Wednesday night. But they sent out myriad notifications a month before making the change. Glancing at the notices cluttering our doorstep and mailbox, we saw “Change in Your Garbage Collection Day” and assumed it was a timely notice. So we didn’t take the garbage out on Tuesday and kind of laughed at the people who persisted in hauling the trash to the curb on Tuesday night: only to be awakened to the sound of the garbage truck early the next morning.  What?!?  They sent the notices out early so – not reading the notice in full – we missed garbage day anyway. We keep perishable food in the fridge or freezer until garbage night to cut down on the nasty smells and then haul it all out to thaw and be carried away to the landfill.  Anyway – that’s what we were doing; removing 2 weeks of old perishable food from our fridge.

Sherry was never a big dipper and she never really provided opportunities for her children to dip. Steak sauces?  Nope. Ketchup with fries?  Only if it’s that strange concoction of mayonnaise, ketchup, and other secret ingredients that is rumored to have originated in Utah (so many of you might have never heard of it).  Barbeque sauce?  Never. We did not participate in dipping activities.  Indeed, we would glance at public dippers with a look of confusion and wonder what compelled them to dip.

Dipping makes you fat. Dips are loaded with sugar (or salt and MSG) that your heart just doesn’t need. Dipping increases your food costs because you have to buy all that dip. And yet people continue to dip. Are these just frustrated smokers trying to find something to keep their hands busy during dinnertime?  Or is there something else going on?

A friend explained his dipping by saying he dips to add variety to his diet. We think him wrong.  We suspect he is confused and he is actually trying to produce the exact opposite.  But that takes us back to our fridge cleaning activity.

As we cleaned, we developed a theory.  We were focusing on the foods we were tossing out – they weren’t really old but grapes, blackberries, apples, and grapefruit went into the trash nonetheless.  We bought the grapes because they looked good and, once we got them home, found them to be sour – unlike the last bunch of fabulously sweet grapes we’d purchased the week before. The blackberries were so bitter they left a nasty taste in our mouths. We used to gather blackberries in the Oregon wilds and they were so delicious they’d be gone before we could get home. But these berries were nasty. The apples tasted like storage apples – no crispness; just soggy and mushy- like.  Although we’d had fabulous luck with grapefruits most of this winter, these grapefruits were from a batch that were old and stringy.

That’s when it dawned on us: people dip to provide a consistent taste in food!  A bitter berry drenched in sauce is just as edible as a naked sweet berry. If you don’t like the taste of an apple, dip it caramel and you can silence the nasty.  See what we mean? Fruits and vegetables can be delicious or terrible – they are available year round but their quality, sweetness, and freshness varies.  Many of you would have eaten the fruit we discarded (using your ninja dipping tactics) and, because we aren’t dippers, we rejected it.

Should we become dippers?  We actually considered this but we are hoping to lose weight; not gain it. So no. But here’s the thing. When you have a bad day and you pick up something to eat you can’t afford to have it taste bad.  Fresh food is so inconsistent that just doesn’t work so everyone turns to ice cream or cookies because they provide a level of consistency that comforts us.  And we think (hence our theory) that the inconsistency of fresh produce is what has kept us far away from fruits and vegetables for years.

The solution? Hey, we have no idea! We just figured out the problem. And since we’re busy trying to fit cupcakes into your diet maybe you can work on this one for us.

Good Ghrelin, Where’s My Cupcake?

cupcake puppyYes. This is the cupcake diet but that doesn’t mean you eat cupcakes all day long. What were you thinking?  You’ll get a cupcake soon. Now stop your whining!

We’ve been doing some research and it seems our idea just might be on the right track. Science News published an 8 month study that actually added a sweet to breakfast for the experimental group but those people otherwise followed the same diet as the control group.  Guess what.  At month 4 all dieters had lost pretty much the same amount of weight (33 pounds each) but in the last 4 months of the diet, the control group people gained 22 of those pounds back while the people who ate dessert with breakfast lost another 15 pounds each!

Yup. That’s what we’re saying. Cupcakes rule!  And if you read up on how not to grow like a Sumo Wrestler, you’ll understand why you eat that cupcake for breakfast instead of later in the day.  Apparently eating the dessert for breakfast not only satisfies your craving for sweets (meaning you’ll be less likely to cheat later in the day) but it successfully regulates ghrelin, the hormone that makes you feel hungry.

Even as we work toward a great new diet for you, we’re fine tuning and perfecting it so that you can lose weight without suffering or having to welcome the pounds back as soon as you’re finished.

The diet plan we laid out yesterday? It’s no good. We aren’t going to tell you what we’re doing with this until we figure out how to eat more cupcakes. So please be patient.

This morning Brooke ate watermelon for breakfast.  She is anti-seed. Well, actually she seems to be a bit anti-watermelon. The seeds may just be the presenting problem. She’ll know better once she has a chance to eat it a second time. Hahahaha  She’s now protesting as she thought that was the end of all watermelons on this earth.  How can she love all forms of watermelon candy and hate the real thing?  So mysterious!

Bye for now. We need to go bake some cupcakes.

Satan Diet Be Damned. We Want the Cupcake Diet ©

sad-satanReally. We’re going to do this.  Our small insurrection is evolving into a great idea. At least we think it might be. We’ll let you know as we go since we’re making this up as we go.

You are cordially invited to follow along as we create the Cupcake Diet©. We started out by discussing what has to happen for this to be a good diet.

  1. We want results! We do not want to diet for 3 weeks to lose 1.2 pounds or we’ll be dead before we lose enough weight for even our clothes to notice.
  2. We don’t want to suffer. If this diet makes us suffer, we won’t play.
  3. The diet must be healthy. We don’t want to hurt ourselves in the long term.
  4. The diet must be easy. We are too busy for complexity. It has to be easy to remember what we can eat.
  5. We want cupcakes!  We really think this is doable.
  6. Protein has to be involved because we fear hypoglycemia (the soup has meat).

As we go along and fine tune how this diet works, we’ll keep you posted.  Since we’ve loved the Satan Diet, we’re going to incorporate the portions of that diet that seem to spell success.  Success defined as being able to lose at 3-8 pounds each week if the diet is followed.

What we’ve got so far:

Day 1 – Eat as many cupcakes as you want in addition to the food you would regularly eat. This is your early celebration       for the weight you’re going to lose! Make a batch of Ultimate Soup.

Day 2 – Eat all of the fresh fruit you want with the exception of bananas.  You can also have ¼ c of nuts.

Day 3 – Eat all of the fresh fruit you want until noon.  No bananas. Eat only vegetables for the rest of the day.  But no potatoes, peas, or corn. Eat 1 cup of Ultimate Soup as an early dinner.

Here is what we’re thinking. We tried just doing a double down of the Satan Diet but 2 days of just fruit drove us over the edge. We were grumpy and cranky and had to take angry naps just to pull it together for the evening. We went for a walk to discuss things – and we just really think 2 days of fruit fruit fruit is not realistic. It’s nice to look forward to a warm meal for dinner and the soup is mostly vegetables with a little bit of meat so it met our needs.

The tulips are all in bloom at our park – it is a wondrous place to be this time of year. We’ll try to remember to take a picture of it so you can enjoy it with us.  If you try this diet out with us, let us know how you do. We really want this diet to be one that you can use!