I was in my professor’s office one day when she and a classmate were talking about paying a third party $35 to keep them from gaining wait over the holidays. I exclaimed dismay over this plan and said I would never pay to stay the same weight – they should be getting some weight loss for their dollars. Giving me that “cautious she’s cray cray” look, they explained that the goal of the holiday season is to not put on weight. Well, that’s easy. If you don’t want to put on weight, don’t be a glutton. Period. Don’t pay some fool to help you not gain weight; just don’t overdo it. Eat before you hit a party. Choose between food and alcohol when you go to holiday parties. Alcohol is expensive when it comes to calories. Holiday treats are expensive, too. So choose one – the one you think you can’t live without and leave the other one alone. Now go take your family to a movie with the $35 I saved you.
Is this supposed to be about the mistletoe? Kiss everyone you can and give them hugs but keep your clothes on. Hugging is good for your health and mental well-being and kissing actually burns calories; so have at it. Running away from angry spouses can also burn a lot of calories and will motivate you to run longer and faster than you have in awhile.
I’m guilty of this when it comes to gifts. One year I spent the entire month of November and the first week of December dipping chocolates and baking cookies. I spent the second week of December eating them. Yeah, kind of gluttony but it was truly more I just couldn’t dream of giving them away so I ate them so I wouldn’t have to. I do the same thing with gifts. I’ll buy my friend an awesome gift and after a week I just have to keep it for myself – so I go out and get her something else so I can keep the cool item. I’m the worst friend that way. If you are greedy, buy stuff; not food. Then you can’t eat it if you want to keep it.
You don’t have time to exercise with all of the shopping, cooking, reshopping (if you’re greedy like me), wrapping, and partying to be had during the holiday season. Exercise. Just Exercise. Don’t talk yourself out of it. Power shopping is not exercise. Power drinking is not exercise. If you didn’t put on your exercise clothes and break out a sweat, you can’t count it. Get up early and get it over. No, exercising does not entitle you to a few more treats. That trap will give you belly fat every single time. Exercise to keep your heart healthy. No, you can’t exercise more to give yourself the chance to eat more treats – exercise is for your heart only.
The holidays bring family and family usually means one type of drama or the other. Even if you have a peaceful day with them, you know you’re secretly seething inside about something and they are, too. And you all reach for the comfort of egg nog, homemade candy, baked goods, etc …and they say the turkey is full of stuffing….every one of you are stuffing some kind of anger. Or maybe you’re one of those people who go around correcting people from Merry Christmas to Happy Holidays. (I’m just going to say it.) Shut up already! Everyone can call it what they wish and no one designated you the Christmas (or Holiday) police! Nobody! *sigh* My rant just saved me from an entire box of cherry chocolates. I feel better and I don’t care how you feel, you bossy old cow. Go eat something and you’ll feel better. No, wait, I feel so bad I said that!
Keep your eyes on your own gifts. Don’t stuff your mouth with your sister’s cheery chocolates. They. Are. Not. Your’s. See your skinny friend with the mounds of whipping cream on her pie? Keep your eyes to yourself and be happy with your fruit pie. Go wild and have a slice of mincemeat if you wish – but no ice cream or whipping (steal a teaspoon of rum sauce if it will keep you from whining.
Ah. This is the sin for which we should all strive. On December 26th, step on the scales and take a good look at yourself in the mirror. If you didn’t gain weight (or if you lost it) you should be very proud of yourself. Look how good you look! If you gained weight, you sly old fox, you should be proud of yourself because you enjoyed the holidays a lot more than everyone else.