Satan Doesn’t Lie

ImageWe aren’t sure if this is supposed to be the Satan Diet or the Satin Diet.  We did a little research. It’s called the Satan Diet because you can “eat your heart out”; which we thought was kind of gross. We would propose changing its name to the Satin Diet because the weight just slides off; like when you’re using satin sheets. Wait, if it’s the Satin Diet we would probably just fill ourselves with chocolate satin pie – forget it. We are back on the Satan diet. Why? Because it takes weight off, fast.

Will the weight stay off? Probably, if we don’t eat a bunch of calories that we don’t need. We were able to maintain our last loss on this diet with the Weight Watcher’s Points Plus plan.  So, at least for the short term, we would say yes.

We know dieting lore says that crash diets don’t work for the long term. But we’re wondering who decided that for everybody. We were actually talking the other day about how, when you’re a teenager, people will tell you not to shave your upper thighs. They tell you that the hair will grow back courser and thicker.  Millions of teenage girls wander around life with hairy upper thighs until one day, logic kicks in.  Your mind cocks its imaginary head and thinks, “If I shave that hair off, it doesn’t matter how it grows back because I’m going to keep shaving it off.”  We wonder if this is the indicator that your frontal lobe has finally reached maturity. Who started that lie anyway?  The hair doesn’t grow back coarser, it is simply stubbly at first just like any shaved hair. If you wait a few weeks it’s right back to soft. Don’t believe us? Try it.

The same principle can be applied to crash diets (in our opinions). Do the math. Say you diet on a sensible long term plan for 6 months and, through persistence and your staid ability to not cheat, you lose 10 pounds. You stop dieting but, because you have theoretically learned some good eating habits, you continue to eat pretty well. Well, except you do revert to some of your favorite eating habits that you missed dearly. At the end of the next six months, you regain 5 pounds. That means that at the end of the year, your net loss is five pounds.  Unless you were extremely thin to start, no one will ever notice you lost weight.

Now say you use the Satan Diet and lose 5 pounds each week you’re on it. In that same six months, you would have lost 30 pounds (5 pounds each month as this is a once a month diet). If you’ve maintained the loss, you’ve probably picked up a few good eating habits along the way. At the end of 6 months, you quit dieting once every four weeks but you eat pretty well since you’ve figured out how to add fruits and vegetables to your diet – you hold on to some of your old eating habits because you never really gave them up. At the end of the second six months, you have gained 10 pounds. That means at the end of the year, your net loss is 20 pounds. Everyone noticed how thin you looked so you feel better about yourself and work to keep that weight off. And besides, you can always go back and visit Satan a few times to quickly lose that weight again. We kind of think the same people who lie to you about your thigh hairs are also telling you to never crash diet. Think how much better their lives will be if you remain fat and hairy!


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